Eons before I came moving out from the dusty, dark and dismal directly dresser and marched into the bright dyke world, I was a staunch follower of “girl code.” Perhaps it is because i am one of those irritating organizations produced with a ravenous hunger for ~justice~ inside screwed-up globe. Possibly i am just my mother’s child (my mom will be the ethical dictator associated with east Seaboard). Or i am just a self-righteous bitch.
Zara at 18 Yrs Old, Child Lesbian
Pic by Owen Gould
Regardless of the explanation; i have been a staunch follower of “girl signal” since those flushed teenage hormones kicked in around age 10.
Just what also
is quite
“girl rule?” female rule is actually a rule wherein all girls who’re normally supporting regarding gender, adhere to. It is an unspoken set of guidelines, set in location centuries ago by our very own foremothers, to make certain we look after the sort. It’s primal. Animal.
It indicates that even when we oh-so-fiercely dislike that vile witch who rests two cubicles out, we’ll
nonetheless
provide the girl a tampon whenever she actually is bleeding through the woman bleached white trousers.
Female signal is actually rooted in the built-in sisterhood we give all females, regardless of if we do not understand them privately. We communicate an unspoken relationship because merely we comprehend the challenges, the difficulties, additionally the unavoidable injury which comes along side becoming a woman in a fuckboy’s world.
While I had been eleven I was heartbroken whenever I observed smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball star “rob” the date of Ashley* a freckle-faced scholastic.
“exactly how CAN SHE?!” we gasped to my personal companion Suzie Goldstein over a carton of candy whole milk into the cafeteria.
Suzie, additionally a die-hard woman coder, unfortunately hung the woman head. “I don’t know, Zara. I am not sure.”
A couple of years later I got a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed guy who was simply the spitting image of
Halsey
(when I forced me to “break” on guys, i usually moved for fairly kids which bore impressive resemblances into cute queer lady pop stars of today).
Problems had been, stated child had as soon as outdated a pal of mine. I inquired her if she minded basically dated her lesbian-looking ex-boyfriend (perhaps not in those words, naturally).
“needless to say we MIND!” she screamed, flinging her green velour hot Couture backpack in to the atmosphere.
We vowed to prevent challenge lady rule once again.
I then switched 20 and started playing with the ~lesbians~.
I was a Sapphic little kitten fresh about scene even though I felt like I got died and attended lesbian heaven, one thing really confused myself (okay, a
few
situations, you have in which i am going).
Female rule didn’t be seemingly as fiercely ingrained into my new lesbian buddy group. My friends seemed to constantly end up being dating their particular friend’s exes, flirting with used ladies and doing top-secret affairs with women nevertheless romantically mounted on some other women.
“Waitâno, you can’t do that! It’s not LADY signal!” I might shriek inside my brand-new buddy Talia, a lady who had been constantly recklessly smashing lady code with her tan little fists.
Talia would move her glittery eco-friendly eyes. “We’re lesbiansâit’s various. We
intercourse
with each other.”
“simply because there is sex with each other doesn’t mean woman signal is out the screen,” I roared with a feverish power i did not have any idea I had. I found myself 21 with ratty hair extensions and probably -$20.00 to my title, but We understood in my own center I was dead meet and fuck right now.
Not only should queer ladies be adhering to lady signal (though we would without a doubt, make love together, a lot of gender together), it must be clipped even further compared to the girl signal that is out there within the heteronormative globe. Besides are we under attack by culture as a whole because we are feminine, we are in addition under attack by culture as a whole because we’re effing QUEER, girls! If there has actually ever already been a group of women that should always be firmly certain to the ethics of FEMALE CODE, it needs to be all of us queers. Indeed, I would personally call it “queer code” but that’s its own thing, worth unique article.
But most of us, no matter where we land throughout the sex spectrum, most of us, just who roll when you look at the queer lady area,
should
be staying with girl rule. No exceptions.
For-instance:
It is against “girl signal” to aggressively hit on a female who may have a girlfriend.
Some time ago I found myself from the Cubby Hole using my buddy Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut came striding toward Maggie. She stomped to her thereupon very intimate “vagina very first” strut and she begun to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. In a few minutes, she requested Maggie on a date.
Maggie beamed politely (she actually is southern) and cooed, “That’s really nice, but We have an extremely severe girlfriend.”
“that is as well poor. We’ll buy you a glass or two anyhow.” The lanky lesbian purred, raising an impressively arched brow.
“don’t be concerned about it, i acquired it.” Maggie seemed nervously at me personally (the bitchy New Yorker whom bites right back).
“Let me buy you a drink. You’re attractive. And hey, you never know in which your relationship is certian?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She place an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s bare neck.
Ultimately, I burst. “Guy! She’s a girlfriend! It is not simply disrespectful to Maggie, it is also disrespectful to the woman GIRL. All of us are females! We do not betray each other like that!” We roared, since the Lanky Lesbian quickly excused herself for a smoke.
You aren’t simply splitting woman signal through another girl believe unpleasant for rejecting your own advances, you are splitting girl code because some bad lesbian is sitting in the home innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as her gf has been HIT ON by another woman.
After all, maybe she’d count on these behavior by drunken bros within bro club, but the queer bar must be a safe place! I keep all of us to an increased standard than guys (NOT PC, sorry), not?
It really is against “girl signal” to ask a lady’s permission to talk to her sweetheart.
I just was at huge queer lady party when all of a sudden a random girl comes walking to my girl and bellows: “may i pose a question to your gf a question?” Right. In. Front. Of. Me Personally. As though I found myselfn’t actually freaking there.
Mention smashing girl rule into the soil! You’re equating my personal womanliness with weakness, and implying that my personal fabric jeans wearing girl is my supervisor (GAG!), because she actually is perhaps not twirling around in a mini dress like i will be.
PSA: it is possible to twirl about in a minidress but still have actually a goddamn mind.
Just have you been breaking woman signal by judging an other woman only based on her outside look and personal design, you’re additionally getting wildly sexist. You are asking my (somewhat) a lot more male presenting sweetheart for authorization to speak to “femmey very little myself.” Listen up girls: This makeup lesbian does not have any boss. Not at work. Maybe not in daily life. And most certainly not in drilling love.
Its against woman code up to now, sleep with, or flirt together with your pal’s ex (without requesting permission).
Seem: there are times when i do believe it really is completely OK to date a pal’s ex because lez be real. The planet is indeed small that matchmaking a friend’s ex will sooner or later (probably) be inescapable. Particularly when friends and family all are fantastic, untamed nymphos like my own, and possess connected with 90 percent with the scene.
But child girl! You MUST require permission before going into that area.
I understand discovering a girl you connect to can be as uncommon as locating a pearl in a goddamn oyster, you must hold your self back if permission just isn’t awarded.
It really is against girl rule to flirt together with your buddy’s recent companion (in the event its innocent).
Near the vision. Picture you are at a club seeing another lady splay her feet all over your hetero buddy’s sweetheart. You might consider it was extremely unacceptable, and probably tell this lady everything about it, no? Same applies to women on woman laps.
Trust in me I struggle with this one, major. I am normally a lap seated lez, inside most ~simple~ of steps. I recklessly plop from the laps of gay young men, lesbians, my mom, my buddy and straight women as well. It’s probably a deep-rooted childhood issue of desiring love.
Nevertheless. Which is no justification.
I needed to set-up some strict borders in relation to my buddies’ girlfriends. Even though in my own seriously mascara adorned sight I am not “flirting,” it’s still WILDLY inappropriate for me personally become lapping it up to my friend’s sweetheart. Or anyone’s girlfriend for instance.
It would possibly get perplexing for us gays.
Oh, we’re all women! It indicates absolutely nothing!
But unless you desire somebody’s girl to (truly) sock you when you look at the nostrils while you drunkenly perch on her woman’s lap: go sit-in a rose bush as an alternative. It’s a far more sensible choice.
Its against lady signal to let your own lost girlfriend return home with a douchey complete stranger EVEN WHEN STATED STRANGER IS A WOMAN.
If my personal direct best friend Ruba gets out of control wasted and slurs for me that she actually is going house with some douchey looking bro who’s providing myself an incident of complete human anatomy creeps, We’ll pull this lady out from the club kicking and shouting before I allow her to get into a cab with him.
Just because your own intoxicated buddy is certainly going house with another woman (aka perhaps not a
man)
doesn’t invariably imply she’ll be secure OR wont wake-up without awful regret and shame spirals. The audience is here to safeguard all of our buddies from hazard AND from shame spirals. Girl rule, infant.
So there it is. Tell me what you think.
Information me personally on Facebook
and let me know you differ. This will be a discussion, not a lecture, kitten. I am merely your self-proclaimed internet lesbian large cousin, exactly what the hell do I’m sure?
OHâone more thing. It’s against lady code to deal with a woman you had a one evening stand with similar garbage. Even when it is simply a rando hookup (that I completely endorse) be TYPE to the girl and pay money for the cab residence. Ladies are never to address various other females like throw away sex toys, under any circumstance.
